5 Things You Need to Hear if You’re the Cycle Breaker in Your Family

Breaking free from generational patterns of trauma and dysfunction and forging a new path forward can be both liberating and exhausting. While you’re building a much happier and healthier life for yourself, being the cycle breaker in your family can feel really isolating at times.

Here are five truths you may need to hear as you navigate this journey.

1. You're Not Crazy

It's common to feel isolated or misunderstood when you diverge from the norms in your family. Dysfunctional families are extremely resistant to change. So, chances are, no ones jumping on this bandwagon with you (and if they are, that’s awesome!)

However, it's essential to recognize that your desire for change is not irrational or unfounded. Trust your instincts and intuition. Your perspective is valid, and your decision to chart a different course reflects your desire to live a happier and healthier life.

2. Parenting Your Parents Isn't Helpful

As a cycle breaker, you were likely a parentified child. After all, it takes an emotionally healthy family to create an environment where kids get to be kids. Your parents may have treated you as their confidante, problem-solver, or emotional dumping ground. And, you may feel a sense of responsibility to "fix" them along with yourself. However, this isn’t your role and it never was.

Instead, focus on your own growth and well-being. Allow your parents the autonomy to make their own decisions and deal with the consequences of those decisions (both good and bad).

3. Clear, Assertive Communication is Kind

Effective communication is key to living a happy, healthy life with healthy relationships. However, dysfunctional families rarely practice or encourage assertive communication.

As a cycle breaker, you were likely pressured and encouraged to dance around unpleasant conversations. Your family probably practiced passive-aggressive or aggressive communication styles which are very unpleasant to be on the receiving end of, so it’s no surprise the thought of assertive communication feels scary or wrong.

While it may be tempting to avoid difficult conversations or confrontations, addressing issues directly and assertively is ultimately a must if you want healthy relationships. People can't read your mind and avoidance leads to resentment.

Be honest about your needs and boundaries. Practice active listening and strive to empathize with others' perspectives. By clearly saying what you mean, you can build trust and safety in your relationships.

4. Avoidance is Stressful

Avoidance may provide temporary relief from discomfort or conflict, but it ultimately perpetuates underlying tensions and inhibits genuine connection. As a cycle breaker, confronting difficult truths and addressing unresolved issues is integral to fostering authentic and healthy change within your family.

Embrace discomfort as a catalyst for growth and be willing to confront challenges head-on. By facing obstacles like boundary setting, you pave the way for healing and positive change.

5. Confidence Comes with Practice Over Time

Breaking generational cycles requires courage, perseverance, and the willingness to take action. It's natural to experience doubt or insecurity along the way, but remember that confidence is cultivated through consistent action and self-reflection.

Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and acknowledge the resilience you demonstrate with each step forward. Embracing the role of a cycle breaker in your family is a tough road, but one that is absolutely a road worth walking.