Torie Wiksell: 0:14
Welcome to You're Not Crazy, a podcast for the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. I'm your host, Torie Wiksell, a therapist and coach with over a decade of experience in the mental health field. Now let's jump in. Hi guys, welcome back to the podcast this week. Today is likely New Year's Eve if you are listening to this podcast on Tuesday, and because it is New Year's Eve, I decided to do a reflective episode. Today. We're going to talk about five ways that I've personally and professionally grown this year and five things that I'm focused on going into the next year. Before we jump in, I want to just say that if you're having a hard week, if you're having a hard time, I totally feel you. You are not the only one. This holiday season has been especially stressful for so many people and just know that we are almost out of it. We are almost into the new year. You are almost there and I am still rooting for you. If you haven't already and you feel like you need some more support, don't forget that you can hop on over to confidentboundaries.com/join and check out the Confident Boundaries online community. Right now, because the community is really at its beginning stages, I am able to offer a lot of feedback in there. So if you want my thoughts on a situation that you're going through, it is only $29 a month if you sign up by today. So New Year's Eve is the last day to get the $29 a month locked-in rate for Confident Boundaries. After today it goes up to $39 a month. If you want to hear my thoughts about something that you're currently struggling with, definitely hop on over there. I'm in there every day responding to people's thoughts and comments and posts, so definitely hop on over there if you need a little extra help this week.
Torie Wiksell: 2:17
Okay, let's talk about my year-end wrap-up of. We'll start with the five ways I feel that I've professionally and personally grown this year, because that's kind of been a fun thing for me to reflect on today. The first one is I'm really proud of the way that I have done things I want to do way before I feel ready to do them. I absolutely am a perfectionist at heart and that is something I have had to work on a lot throughout my life, especially in adulthood. I have rarely felt ready to do things. There's always more preparation that could go in. I could always learn more. I could always prep more, but the reality is that I've let a lot of things in my life pass me by because I didn't feel ready to do them, and what I've learned throughout my life is that most people who are really successful really are doing the best they can and winging a lot of it as they go. And so this year, I've really challenged myself to have a bit more confidence in my ability to do more to help others, more to expand my businesses, before I really feel ready to do that, and I'm really excited that I pushed myself because I didn't feel ready to start this podcast and yet I did it. It's been such a fun thing for me to do this year and it's been so rewarding and so neat to hear from people who have found this podcast and that it's resonated with, so I'm so happy that I did this before I felt ready. I also launched my coaching business this year. I launched the Confident Boundaries online community. I launched the Boundaries Roadmap.
Torie Wiksell: 4:09
This year. It's been a busy year, full of me doing things way before I felt ready to do them, and I think that what I've learned throughout this process is that it doesn't have to be perfect for it to be meaningful, and it doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to be entirely ready and confident going into it in order for it to make a difference, and so I'm really proud of pushing myself before I felt ready to do some things that were really important to me. That kind of goes into number two, facing my fears. I am really proud of myself this year for facing a huge fear that I've had of talking about my own journey publicly. I have not talked about my own journey publicly before this year. My own journey of growing up with my immediate family and my experiences with my mom and, at a lesser extent, my dad. This has not been something that I have talked about publicly for so many reasons.
Torie Wiksell: 5:18
It has taken me many, many years in personal therapy to get to a place where I feel that I have processed and worked through these relationships enough that I feel comfortable talking about them. They're really complicated relationships. They're really layered. I think it's taken me a very long time to get enough perspective on my own journey that I feel comfortable sharing parts of it. It's also really scary because it is something that is so vulnerable and true to me right. There's a lot of trauma that's wrapped up in it, and although I have processed so much of that trauma, I'm a human being and there's no like absolute finish line you get to when you've experienced trauma.
Torie Wiksell: 6:07
It's very, very complicated, it's very layered, and not everyone that has known the people in my family or that is in my family has the same experience that I have, and so, for so many reasons, it has been very scary for me to decide to be so much more public on my Instagram account, with my email list, with this podcast, on my website and my blog. It's been really, really scary, and I'm so glad that I chose to do it, because A it has helped so many other people in addition to myself, just de-stigmatizing the fact that this is something that is not entirely uncommon and it's something a lot of adults struggle with, and it's something a lot of adults struggle with, and it's something that you can make you feel crazy and you're not, and you're not alone, and so I am so grateful that talking about my own personal journey has been so helpful to so many other people. I'm also really proud of myself for talking about my own personal journey, because it really has solidified the work that I have done in so much therapy and just personal reflection throughout the years. The fact that I have been able to sit here every week and share with you things about myself and my relationship with my own mom growing up. That was pretty traumatic and it really does show me that I have worked through a lot of this trauma and I've made peace and I've accepted a lot of the experiences that I've had and I still have work to do. So it's been really helpful just putting into perspective how far I've come throughout this process and reminding me that there are still areas that would be helpful for me to continue to reflect on in my own therapy.
Torie Wiksell: 8:18
The next one that I'm proud of is ending a toxic friendship. So I did a podcast episode about ghosting a friend I made this year, so for those of you that haven't listened, I encourage you to go back and check out the episode. I cannot remember what it's called. I think I might have named it something like I ghosted a friend and I'm not sorry about it. I don't remember exactly, but I did record a podcast about it and I moved to a new state a little over a year ago and I am a working mom and I am in a new state and while I have such wonderful friendships, I don't have friends that live locally and, like so many other adults, it's hard to meet friends. It's hard to make friends as an adult. And so this year I made a real concerted effort to expand my local social circle and get out there and put myself out there and meet new friends, and I did end up making two great new friends. Unfortunately, one moved out of state shortly thereafter, but the other one wasn't the healthiest friendship. It was a pretty toxic relationship and I'm so proud of myself that when I recognized that this is not a healthy relationship, I didn't continue to try to make it work. I didn't blame myself, I didn't tolerate abusive behaviors for a prolonged period of time, I just said this is not the relationship for me and moved on.
Torie Wiksell: 10:03
Number four I am so proud of myself for not asking other people's opinions about things that I feel confident doing. I have really, really, really struggled with this in the past. I have shared things that I've written and asked for feedback from people before deciding whether or not I wanted to publish those things. I have really, really leaned on other people's perspectives on the work that I have done in so many ways, especially things that I have written or produced myself, and this year I stopped doing that. I decided that I have things to say that are important, that I've been a therapist for a really long time almost 12 years now, which is just wild and I have a lot of experience and I feel very confident in helping the clients that I do in therapy and I don't need to run every single thing that I do or that I write or that I say by other people. I just need to act in alignment with my own value system, with my code of ethics, with laws, with kindness and compassion, and it's going to be okay. I'm capable of handling any sort of feedback, positive or negative, that I receive, and that feels really good, because that has been a huge struggle for me. When I grew up with a parent who consistently told me that my thoughts and feelings that were in conflict with her own were wrong, that it was combative and wrong of me to have a different opinion than her, it really crushed my confidence in believing in myself. So me pushing myself to do that has really been such a huge growth period for me.
Torie Wiksell: 12:12
Number five of the ways that I have grown this year is helping more people by expanding my businesses. This is huge for me. I love being a therapist. I absolutely love being a therapist. I feel so lucky to get to do what I love for a living, and as a therapist, I am also so limited in the amount of people that I can help. And so by me starting this podcast, by me starting the Confident Boundaries online community, by me launching my course that is in the Confident Boundaries online community, by me launching my course that is in the Confident Boundaries online community, by me doing coaching, I'm able to help so many more people than I was before, and it feels so great to be able to have a positive influence on other people's lives and to just be a tiny part of their journey. It feels awesome and I'm so, so lucky and fortunate to be able to do that. So those are the five ways that I'm really proud of that I've grown this year. Now let's go into the five things I'm going to be focusing on going into 2025.
Torie Wiksell: 13:26
Number one growing my support system. Like I said, I moved to a new state a little over a year almost two years ago now a year and a half ago, let's say but I moved here with a young baby. I have the best support system. I have the best friends. Like ever, I am so lucky with the friends that I have and the friendships that I have, and I really want to expand my support system locally with new friends, with colleagues, with just people that I can get together with, that I feel connected to and can share some, you know, time with. So growing my support system is at the top of my list this year.
Torie Wiksell: 14:13
Number two taking more intentional time to sit with my feelings. I don't like to do it all the time. It's really uncomfortable and unpleasant to sit with distressing feelings. I don't like to sit with feeling anxious. I don't like to sit with feeling sad or grief or disappointment or anger or frustration. I don't like to sit with uncomfortable feelings. My guess is you don't either. It's not pleasant and it's really unpleasant when you haven't had the opportunity to learn how to do it as a kid. It's really hard to learn how to do it as a kid. It's really hard to learn how to do it as an adult. And it really takes intention from me to be able to sit with my feelings and, instead of acting in a way to avoid discomfort, it takes a lot of intention for me to instead just tolerate it and sit with it and ride it out, and so this is one that I've been working on for many, many years now, and it's one that I still have to keep towards the top of my list, because it continues to take effort for me to do so. But the trade-off is great, because I'm making decisions now that are based on what I actually want to be doing, what I care about, what I value, versus based on how quickly I can make this uncomfortable feeling go away.
Torie Wiksell: 15:43
Number three making room for activities in my life that bring me joy. So things like yoga, running and watching reality TV. I am the biggest fan of reality TV. I started watching Bravo way back in the day. With Flipping Out, I watched a every Bravo show. Back in the day, I watched the Real Housewives of Orange County from day one. I have been a huge reality TV fan for years and years and years. It is my escapism. I love it. It is so enjoyable for me, and over the last few years since becoming a mom, it's been really hard for me to carve out any time at all to sit and watch reality TV uninterrupted, and I know that I'm not going to get back to the point where I'm following every single reality TV show that Bravo or Netflix airs, but there are a few, like the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, that I would really like to carve out time to watch because they're just wild and bring me so much joy. So I'm going to get back to doing things like yoga, running and watching reality TV by intentionally making some room for myself to do those Number four celebrating my personal wins in progress more often.
Torie Wiksell: 17:11
This activity that I did of trying to reflect on this year and look forward to what I wanted to work on in the upcoming year was really nice because I was able to really take a second and appreciate how much I have accomplished this year and how proud of myself I really am. I don't do that enough. I don't celebrate my own personal wins enough, and that's for a variety of reasons. I'm busy and I've got a lot that I'm balancing at all times and it's hard to take a second to step back and reflect and really appreciate what I've achieved. I oftentimes am in the middle of working on something else. When something goes right in one area of my life, I'm often very busy in another area, and part of that is being the mom of a toddler. It's being the working mom of a toddler. I know all moms are working moms, but being the mom of a toddler and then also running two businesses in addition to that, it is a huge balancing act and as she continues to grow and become more independent, it definitely gets easier to do and it still can be really challenging to take time to appreciate the progress that I'm making on a day-to-day level. So I really want to check in with myself more this upcoming year and really celebrate the progress that I'm making instead of only focusing on my next goal. And that brings us to number five.
Torie Wiksell: 18:52
My fifth thing that I want to keep top of mind going into the new year. That is focusing my time and energy more intentionally into my business and personal life. I love what I do for a living. Like I said, I love being a therapist. I am so lucky I get to be a therapist. I love coaching. I love doing this podcast. I love my businesses. I love being able to work with other people. I love helping people. I just love everything about what I do for work. I also really love my personal life. Like I said, I have really great friends. I am so lucky. I have an amazing daughter, I have an amazing dog, I have a wonderful husband. I have a really great life, and this year I want to be much more intentional on where I'm focusing my time and energy. I want to take more vacations. Next year, I want to really carve out more structure and routine in my day-to-day life, because I want 2025 to be the year where I really get to fully enjoy both my personal and professional life, because I am intentional about the way that I'm approaching them both, and that goes into making sure that I'm setting really good boundaries for myself, both personally and professionally. That's my year-end wrap-up what I'm really proud of this year, what I'm keeping top of mind next year.
Torie Wiksell: 20:34
I hope you enjoyed hearing my personal reflections. I am so appreciative for all of you who listen to the podcast, who DM me on Instagram to say hi, to email me and just share how this podcast has impacted you in your life. It really, really, really means the world to me. I do not take it for granted. It has been such a positive experience for me getting to share my own story and recognizing how many other people have been helped by me talking about these things. So please never hesitate to write to me, never hesitate to email me, to DM me and just share your thoughts on the podcast and the community and the course and everything I just I so greatly appreciate you guys taking the time to listen to me and my thoughts every week.
Torie Wiksell: 21:33
So, with that said, I hope you all have a great New Year's Eve and a great start to 2025. And I'll see you next week. Thanks so much for joining me for another week of You're Not Crazy. If you like the podcast, please make sure to rate us five stars and leave a review. It helps so much. And make sure to check the show notes for discounts and updates of what's going on in my world. Okay, I'll see you next week.
